Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Note:  To show that I am the ultimate uber-patriot in the whole country, I'm going to start wearing an American flag lapel pin.  In my eye.

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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the South Dakota and Montana primaries: 7
Days 'til the general election: 161
Delegates Obama and Clinton picked up over the weekend, respectively: 6, 1
Percent of American voters who say America's best days are in the past: 47%
Percent who say America's best days are ahead: 38%
(Source: Rasmussen Reports)
Number of Americans who have surgical procedures performed every year: 70,000,000
(Source: Parade)
Value of the New York Yankees franchise: $1.3 billion
(Source: Forbes via The Week)
Number of games by which the Yankees trail the Red Sox: 7

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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:

Good News For America
Senator Kennedy's chickens are coming home to roost. I'll bet he can feel the lake of fire thats [sic] waiting for him.
---Commenter at Town Hall

(h/t to Kossack redstatesblues)

All together now: One...two...three... Classy!!!

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Puppy Pic of the Day: A previously undeclared three-legged canine superdelegate released a statement early this morning: "Go-bama!"

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CHEERS to brevity.  Got friends and family who believe all the emails they're getting about Barack Obama being a panty-wearing terrorist Muslim bedwetter?  Copy and paste the following link to this one-word response and send it to 'em:

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http://isbarackobamamuslim.com/...

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And, since you know they're gullible, tell 'em if they forward it to 30 friends they'll get much luck and good fortune in return.  (Hey...couldn’t hurt.)

CHEERS to challenging the cheerleaders.  Finally---some action on the Pentagon's illegal campaign to influence public opinion of the Iraq war by using retired military officers to spread propaganda.  Last week the House passed an amendment calling for an accounting of "the extent to which the Department of Defense has violated the prohibition on propaganda."  You want to watch some hot-under-the-collar congresscritters?  Click here.  And in other Bush administration news, glorious American empire chases evildoers to the ends of the Earth, saves kitten and civilization.  Film at 11.

JEERS to the curse of being the middleman.  Okay, here's something else that Joe Lieberman and his Siamese twin John McCain won’t tell you.  The most influential cleric in Iraq is Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani, and he doesn’t like us much.  Plus, he's in a bit of a power struggle with Muqtada al Sadr.  Lately he's been feeling a bit inferior, so to shore up his base he's begun issuing fatwas against our troops.  Meanwhile, U.S. Ambassador to Iraq Ryan Crocker says al Qaeda is in its last throes...except apparently it's not.  On the bright side, we've now whacked enough moles over there to win one of the large stuffed ponies on the top shelf.  I'm naming it Rainbow.

JEERS to petty stooges. 36 years ago, in 1972, the White House "plumbers" hit the DNC Headquarters at the Watergate Hotel, setting events in motion that led to Republican president Richard Nixon's resignation.  The first clue that something was amiss: their bill was reasonable.

CHEERS to happy landings.  Another NASA rover (the third, to be precise) touched down on the surface of Mars Sunday.  Daily Kos front-pager Devilstower says early images show that the northern landscape is full of frost heaves.  If you want to experience a virtual Martian landscape for yourself, come up and drive on a Maine road in mid-March.  (Bring a dozen spare tires.  And extra Polident.)

JEERS to America the Vulnerable.  The Government Accountability Office says that, nearly seven years after the attacks of 9/11, there are still gaps in our port security that could allow more attacks on 9/11 or any other day of the year.  The biggest gap was found at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, but officials promised it would be plugged in 237 days.  Fortunately the only boat traffic there happens in the bathtub.

CHEERS to masking tape.  It was invented on this day In 1930.  As with anything, it can make life easier...or a living hell.  Choose wisely.

CHEERS to Dick Martin.  I was four years old when Laugh-In premiered on NBC.  It is one of the first (if not the first) memories I have of TV.  The political references went right over my head.  All I know is I loved all the slamming doors and Artie Johnson poking his head through a pair of potted plants to tell me that something was "Veeeedy interesting...but schtupid," and everyone laughing their brains out as they socked it to us and bet their bippies.  And then there was the infectious goofiness of co-host Dick Martin, who died Saturday at 86.  He'll be missed.  By the way, Hubert Humphrey (who's 97th birthday is today) was offered a walk-on, but thought it was beneath him.  Richard Nixon accepted, and the rest is history.  Anyway..."Goodnight, Dick."  The good one, not the evil one.

P.S.  And goodnight, 'Tootsie' director Sydney Pollack.  Stop dying, you people.

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Two Years Ago in C&J: May 27, 2006...

CHEERS to the least controversial decision by humans in over 8 thousand years.  A jury has convicted Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling on 300 charges of being assholes.  Little solace for those who lost money in the Enron collapse, but at least it's something.  And let's not forget those love letters between the President and "Kenny Boy."  It's good to have (coughcoughpardoncough) friends.

JEERS to "miracle" pills.  Interesting---when drug companies fund studies on their own products, the results tend to be much more favorable than if they were done by an independent outfit or a competitor.  Researchers say the reason is likely due to medical journals that have a bias toward publishing studies with positive outcomes.  If you want to see the good, the bad and the ugly, USA Today says you can visit Clinicalstudyresults.org.  Tip: avoid any drug that uses the phrase "unexpectedly turned to goo" in its conclusion.

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And just one more...

JEERS to marital peek-a-boo.  Ahh...life in George Bush's favorite home away from home, Saudi Arabia.  A woman there is asking for a divorce because, after 30 years of being literally shrouded in mystery, her husband decided one night to lift her veil and see what she looked like.  The judge ruled that dying of fright was probably punishment enough for the old man.

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Oh, and happy 97th birthday to the late Vincent Price.  Here he injects himself with the C&J virus (always a foolish thing to do without a beer chaser).  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

"You are going to see people introduced to Cheers and Jeers from weird countries, like Belgium."
Jancis Robinson

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